Let’s start this year – and blog – off with a bit of honesty. Here are four of my vampire-related confessions.
CONFESSION: I’VE NOT SEEN EVERY DRACULA ADAPTATION.
First off there are a lot of Dracula adaptations. A lot. So I don’t expect anybody to have got through them all. I’m no exception. But that doesn’t mean I can’t try and fix that.
For example I have not completed the 2013 Dracula TV show starring Jonathan Rhys Meyers as some sort of Tesla!Dracula. I have also not seen the 2020 Dracula TV miniseries by Stephen Moffat – and I’m really really not looking forward to that. But for you and this blog I suppose I shall have to suffer through it.
I am, however, looking forward to getting through The Invitation, The Last Voyage of the Demeter, and Renfield.
CONFESSION: I’VE NOT READ THE ENTIRE VAMPIRE CHRONICLES.
In fact, I’ve only ever read Interview with the Vampire (albeit twice), and seen the 1994 film adaptation once – the latest time for both was when we did the Interview with the Vampire episode of Bloodsucking Feminists. One of my 2023 resolutions is to work my way through the series. And watch the TV show afterwards, of course.
I have seen the youtube slime tutorials of the Lestat musical several times over. Which is a whole different sin to confess.
CONFESSION: I’M NOT A HUGE FAN OF BRAM STOKER’S DRACULA.
Yes, I am talking about the 1992 Coppola movie.
Now, there’s a lot of things I like about that movie – the costumes, naturally; the sets; and the overall vibes – but it also contains my two great “nopes” of Dracula adaptations.
The first is the twisting of Lucy’s character to force her and Mina into a Madonna-whore dynamic, and “justify” her death at the hands of Dracula. Never mind how her fate is an on-page representation of how Dracula’s evil destroys everything it touches, even the most innocent.
The second is the “Mina is Dracula’s reincarnated lover” plot. While it presents a lot of problems overall, the big one for me is that it brushes aside Lucy and her fate. “I have crossed oceans of time to find you… and on the way I took a detour to violate and murder your dearest friend. Still wanna bang?”
Yeah, no. Do not want.
That said, I have watched it several times. Plus I own the novelisation, the digital versions of both the colour and the black-and-white graphic novel adaptation, and a bunch of the Funko Pops. It’s just never going to be my favourite adaptation.
CONFESSION: I’VE NOT SEEN TANZ DER VAMPIRE LIVE.
This is either the most or least shocking of these confessions, depending on how long you’ve known me.
I talk about Tanz der Vampire a lot. Like, a lot. I post gifs, I rank the actors, I do podcast episodes on it… I just won’t shut up. I own the commemorative book (signed by my favourite Krolock, Drew Sarich), two signed programmes, and a bunch of autograph cards. I follow the actors on Instagram and tiktok. I even figured out how to print German stamps in order to get SASEs for autograph cards.
And yet I still haven’t seen it live.
The answer, of course, is simple. New Zealand is on one side of the world, and Tanz der Vampire on the other. It’s about a day’s travel and $1500 (NZD) just to get there. So it’s taking a while to save up.
Upside is in the meantime I have plenty of time to do my daily German lessons. Thanks, Mango Languages.
And there you have it. Four of my big vampire “secrets” laid bare for everyone to see. Two of these I hope to correct by the end of the year, one I am working hard to make happen… And one I’m going to be stuck with, regardless of what people think.
So what vampire secrets and sins are you needing to confess?
